Can perpetrators of violence change their behaviours? When Carol Seychuk, Executive Director of Northern Society for Domestic Peace (NSDP), was posed this question during an interview on CICK, she responded with a certainty that reflects decades of experience in the field of intimate partner violence. “Yes,” she said thoughtfully.  “I have seen men grow and take responsibility for their actions. One individual who sought our services in the 1990s continues to donate a turkey to the transition house every year.  I believe that perpetrators of violence have the capacity for healthy relationships.  And I believe that they ultimately want that.”  With their head office based in Smithers, NSDP staff provide a continuum of services to individuals and families across Northwest BC. 

Women are far more likely than men to be victims of intimate partner violence, sexual violence and stalking.  And men are overwhelmingly responsible for the violence committed against women.  Here in Northern BC, women face a confluence of factors that make leaving a violent relationships particularly challenging -  and sometimes lethal. Poverty, isolation, lack of transportation, cultural ties to a community, fear of losing their children, and limited resources across vast geographic distances conspire to ensnare women in violent relationships.  The perennial question is how to stop the violence. 

Finally the importance of services for men is gaining greater societal awareness.  A Better Man recently premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival.  Co-directed by Attiya Khan, the documentary explores the intimate partner violence that occurred between Attiya and Steve when they were teenagers. Two decades the later they discuss the violence, with a therapist present and with cameras rolling.  Steve acknowledges choking Attiya until she lost consciousness  - repeatedly - behind the closed doors of their apartment. “These things only take place where you can get away with it,” he says.  In talking about his abuse, Steve takes responsibility for his actions. He listens to Attiya as she describes the long-standing impact of his abuse.  While not advocating this type of therapy for others, the documentary underscores the importance of helping both individuals in a relationship marked by violence.

NSDP has long recognized the importance of helping men. However, the Province of BC has yet to provide funding for voluntary mens’ counselling services. Through concerted fundraising and community support, NSDP has provided critical mens’ services on a shoestring budget for decades.  This includes one-to-one counselling and support to men who want to change their behaviours and improve their relationships. “We were one of the first agencies in the province to actually provide services for men, women and children, concurrently,” Seychuk says. “And that was from listening to women who wanted help for their partners. They didn’t understand why they were the only ones who had to seek help and leave their homes. We started reaching out and learning more about what was there for men and how we could do that safely.”

Research demonstrates that the best predictor of children who grow up to become perpetrators of violence or victims of violence is whether or not they grew up with violence in the home.  Seychuk acknowledges this.  “Some men may have experienced child sexual abuse themselves and may have difficulty forming healthy relationships.” This is not about excusing or justifying violent behaviour - rather it’s about getting to the root of the problem with the goal of ending violence in all relationships. But it’s a steep road ahead. “There’s so much more to do, and so much more to learn,” Seychuk says.  “We have a lot of work cut out for us.”